Sunday, June 29, 2914, Sacred Heart Retreat House
It has been such a deep and rich and intense time of prayer and contemplation. I have had the absolute privilege to spend as many of my waking hours (and even my sleep) diving into the Gospels as I want. And not to write a sermon, or think about how to organize a Bible study around a text. Instead, I am entering the stories, being in conversation with the people in the stories, especially Jesus. And while I am doing a lot of thinking and imagining, I think what is truly most amazing is what Jesus has said to me.
My pattern is to pray, read a text, imagine the scene in my mind, ask Jesus questions about what is happening, or comment about what I see. Sometimes I journal what I think Jesus might say in response to me. Other times I dive as deep and far as I can go, then I take a break, go for a walk, and bam! Jesus gently reminds me of something.
I am amazed at how much I've cried in the past 19 days. I, who never cries, cry! It feels like all the emotion I've kept close to my heart all these years are pouring out in the safety of Jesus' love.
I wonder, as I am now closer to the end of this retreat than the beginning, how I will be when I leave here. I feel different. I feel awed by the immensity of God the Trinity, and bowed down by the compassion and love and power of God. I feel like some old wounds are healed in ways that decades of work and effort didn't budge. I feel such desire for Jesus, such absolute determination to do and be anything and everything for him. He is so personal, so close, so perfect love. And I am blown away.
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